Monday, November 8, 2010

Somewhere in the middle

These past 12 months have been extreme. I have never felt the weight of life and how precious it is as much as I have in the past year. This isn't only from my own experiences the last 12 months although there have been a lot: losing my mother-in-law, hubby spending time in the hospital, a diagnosis of a heart defect in my newborn son, losing my father-in-law while waiting for life saving surgery for my son, etc, etc, etc. Just as we would catch our breath some thing else would happen. Then there are the events outside of my family. Amazingly tragic events happening to people I know or know of...
The whole experience got me thinking about the downside of middle-age. Yes this is admitting that I am there, in the middle of what should be my life expectancy. Gone are the care free days of playing, giggling and learning my ABC's. The excitement stemming from getting to be a year older and that much closer to being a big person. The walks down the hallways of high school with friends, passing notes about what you're going to wear to the football game and getting the answers for the quiz for 4th period class. The carelessness of the college campus life bubble of discovering who you are and what you want to be when you grow up.
Nothing I ever imagined as a child, teen or college kid about being a grown up is exactly true. Sure I get to eat ice cream when ever I feel like it and I don't have to listen to my mother but now that I am here I think it would be nice to just go back.
Adulthood has unimaginable highs and incredible lows. The middle of your life you get the immense pleasure of bringing new life in and such pain to see life taken away.
I now understand the mid-life crisis. The want or need to capture your youth, to hold on to the carefree days and it sounds exquisite. However due to life experience there is really no way to go back and grab a hold of it. You know too much.
So here I sit in the middle watching with doe eyes at how precarious life really is...

2 comments:

Alisa said...

AMEN sista'... couldn't have said it better myself~ I feel the EXACT same way. There are days I soo wish I could turn back time. I long for the carefree days and I often wonder what might have been (i.e. seeing Gramma Kitty playing with my kiddo's). But we must forge ahead and make the best life possible for our kids but I do often ponder the past and the future! xxoxo

Laurie said...

Well put, MB. Some thoughts I have had this year as I have realized how precious life is. You never realize it until you get older and it is a lesson our parents could have shared and we would never have believed.