Long Overdue

Friday morning we had our favorite twins come over for a visit. The kids played outside for a bit then the queen diva had a small meltdown and decided she needed some space so she went to her room. Andersen was done playing outside too so he came into play with the crazy amounts of toys on our first floor. I decided to check on the kids inside and heard the best laughter ever coming from Ry's room. Andersen, being a good friend, went in to cheer Ryleigh up and they were giggling like crazy. I love catching kids having such a good time with no care in the world.

Thanks for coming over! We need to do it again sooner rather than later.

Lots of good

Today was a really good day!

Ry had her last day at preschool. She was pretty excited for it to be over and have a summer of fun. Here she is with her favorite teacher, Mrs. Sullivan, giving her a goodbye hug.

Then this afternoon while Ry napped away the excitement of the day E took his first steps BY HIMSELF. He was walking between G & I and did a fantastic job. I am sure in the next few weeks he will be a drunken sailor in our backyard instead of the grass stain knee wearing crawler. I am so proud of both of my kids today for all their accomplishments!

Shhhhhh

Things are quiet and I don't have much to say... okay that's a total lie but honestly I am not sure what to write about since there are so many things swarming in my mind. I could chat up the spring cleaning (boring but necessary), my husband's absence (frequent and old news, hey he is a pilot), my procrastination (we've been there before) or I can talk about something that makes me uncomfortable (WINNER)!
Lately I haven't been a good mom... actually I am downright ugly horrible mom. Ryleigh and I have been have been having issues with one another. My sweet pea and I aren't seeing eye to eye on a number of things and her way of dealing with me is physical (hit, slap, kick...). And my response is to YELL LOUD. The last 2 nights I have yelled so loud I feel the next sound I will hear are Children's Services knocking at my door to remove my children from my home because no parent should ever yell at their children to the point it sounds as if a physical altercation is about to happen. I am not proud. I just wish I understood where is comes from, how I can let myself get so frustrated with someone so small and unable to truly defend herself.
I admit I have my 'normal' faults as a stay-at-home person... I don't play enough with my kids, I don't attempt to engage them enough in things to keep their minds growing, I don't always listen to them.... but we all falter there from time to time but the yelling...that's a completely different ball of wax.
There is a woman I know (SHAM) who I have watched yell at her children with no regret (or at least it appears that way) when she is discipline them. The kind of yelling you're embarrassed to witness. Now, I am in control in public, at times I may raise my voice, but never do I yell with the phenom I seem to have over the course of the last couple of days. I am worried that I am losing it...my composure, my confidence and the values that I've been trying to teach my children (that clearly I am not following). I don't want to be that other person who can lash out in public or private.
My hope about being public about my missteps in my 'behind closed doors' life is what I need to straighten up my act. Here's to keeping it cool and using my indoor voice.